Knowing when somebody is lying to you has become almost a science. Many law enforcement agencies from the FBI down to local police departments offer training in this subject. Observation and common sense play a large part.
Typical of using common sense; might be a situation where police are questioning a suspect about a crime. The suspect starts to yawn, stretch their arms and legs, and trying to get comfortable. They might even try removing imaginary pieces of lint from their clothing. In other words they are trying to show by body language that they are calm and relaxed because they are innocent. The truth is, if they were innocent they would not be relaxed, but angry and indignant at being wrongly accused.
Here is a way to tell if a person is doing something wrong. As example we will use a girl who thinks her fiancé is running around with other women. She should not ask him directly because he would simply deny it and nothing would be accomplished. The better approach would be for her to say, ” I saw my girl friend’s fiancé out with another woman. What should I say to her? ”
If the girl’s fiancé responds by trying to get rid of the question as quickly as possible by saying things like, “You should mind your own business. Let’s go out to a movie.” or” I hate talking about things like that ” or “Forget it.” the probabilities are he is running around and feels uncomfortable talking about it. On the other hand if he is willing to talk about it, discussing the best way to tell the girl about her fiancé as example . This indicates that he is not running around because he is comfortable talking about the subject.
It has been known for centuries that a person can become popular and in demand if they are a good listener. This is true because most people love to talk about themselves and good listeners are hard to find. The better listener you are the more popular you will be. Good listening is not just standing there with your mouth shut and ears open. Really good listening requires some activity on the part of the listener.
The idea of using some type of response is to show the person who is talking that not only do you hear what is being said but that you are emotionally involved by their dialogue. The response may be: the nod of your head, raising of he eye brows, a smile or a frown, leaning towards them, utterance of a word or what ever is appropriate at the time.
Another way to become an in demand listener is to respond to the emotional content of what is being said. So while listening to their story you might say, “I’m sure you felt angry.” Of course other terms such as frustrated, sad, happy, etc. might better apply. The idea is to describe their mental state at the time of the incident they are telling you about.
We have been describing “active listening .” It is important because it shows the other person we are interested in what they have to say and people find this very flattering.
The trick to avoid arguments is primarily useful for husbands and wives but there are many other situations where it can be very helpful.
When people live together there is bound to be a certain amount of friction that occurs. It is to be expected. Each person has their own good and bad habits. Let’s imagine a household where the husband has the habit of leaving his clothes lying around on the floor and the wife is upset with having to constantly pick them up.
One Sunday evening when the wife picks up a dirty sweat shirt to throw into the hamper she verbally attacks her husband. ” Were you raised in a barn leaving your clothes all over the floor? You turned out to be one big slob. ” At this point the husband having been attacked responds with his own attack criticizing her cooking and anything else he could think of.
What the wife should have said was, “When you leave you clothes on the floor and I have to pick them up it makes me feel like a maid instead of your wife.” She is still discussing the problem of clothes on the floor but there is no personal attack, so the husband does not attack her. This opens up the probability for a reasonable discussion about the clothes.
The idea in back of this trick is to express how the other persons bad conduct hurt your feelings instead of criticizing them for what they have done. This leads to discussion rather than confrontation.
Many parents complain that if they want their child to do something, they have to nag about it over and over again and it still doesn’t get done. Some of the reasons for this is that children are easily distracted, they would rather play and they have previously gotten out of doing the task by ignoring you.
Here is a different approach to the problem. First, explain why the task has to be done. Let’s say you want them to put their toys away. You might say,” Your toys have to be picked up and put away so you will be able to find them and play with them tomorrow. ” You might also use as an explanation, ” Your toys have to be picked up so nobody will trip over them and hurt themselves.” At this point you might ask the child, ” Will you put them away?” If the task is not done immediately stop back from time to time and simply say, “Toys.”
Another example might be getting the child to help clear the table after a meal. An explanation might be, ” Food spoils when left on the table and it can make people sick. So will you bring the dishes in the kitchen?’ If the chore is not done right away, go back from time to time and just say, ” Dishes.”
Always thank the youngster for doing the task. Let them know their work is appreciated.
It is not unusual to see and hear a young child have a crying melt down while the parents are standing there looking embarrassed. One reason for this crying is that little children often have no other way of expressing themselves.
Another and probably more significant reason is that being on a trip or vacation they find themselves in unfamiliar surroundings. Where you as an adult may look at your new environment with interest to the young child it might be frightening.
Imagine that you are at Disney World and had never before seen any of the Disney characters. Suddenly, a five foot mouse, with big ears, a squeaky voice, walking upright, approaches you and says, “Hello, my name is Mickey.” No one would blame you for being a little upset. Think how a little kid feels in unfamiliar surroundings. Young children need and thrive in stable environments. They are uncomfortable in airports, planes, trains and busses as well as restaurants, movie theaters, stores and dozens of other places.
The best thing you can do to avoid the crying is to tell the child where they will be going tomorrow. Tell them what they are going to see and what fun things they should look for. As you arrive at the places you told them about remind them of your discussion. Another words, based on your conversation as to what they will be seeing you are making them seem more familiar.